View Single Post
Old 06-03-2019, 07:38 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
ThatWasTheOldMe
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,642
I once drove to Iowa drinking the whole way from Colorado. I intended on running away to hang out with a girl I had met online (she wanted me to go meet her). It was in reaction to a girl I knew that I wanted to date at the time getting with a male coworker of hers. We were roommates, and I was jealous and upset. So I woke up the next morning, grabbed the remains of my bottle of vodka, hopped in the car I had bought for her (without her asking), that she was going to use to go to work that day, and took off. I was off to Pittsburgh.

I ended up in a parking lot in north Des Moines. Once I realized I80 had turned into I35 and I was headed north toward Minneapolis, it dawned on me that I was too ****** up to figure out where I was. I slept it off and by the grace of God did not get a DUI. I slept in my car. The next morning, I decided to turn around and go back to Colorado. I got more liquor because I was starting to withdrawal. I got a flat on I80 between Des Moines and Nebraska, and I did not have a jack to lift my car up and change the flat. So I tossed all my vodka in case a cop showed up and started walking. An elderly couple stopped, picked me up to go buy a jack, and I changed the tire. Then stopped in the nearest town to get a new tire to drive back to Colorado.

I stopped for liquor again in Nebraska. There were cops up and down I80 in Nebraska and I never got pulled over. I was ****** up, but I had such a tolerance that I could drive like I was sober.

I'm not proud of this story. But I don't judge myself for it anymore. I see it as symptoms of untreated alcoholism. I did not drive with the intention of hurting anyone; I just wanted to run from my problems. By the grace of whatever god you believe in, or the grace of the universe, or whatever; I did not hurt anyone and I didn't get a DUI.

I hated myself for a good while after that incident. Judged myself constantly. Used it as a reason to drink. Then drank and made more unfortunate memories.

Instead of judging yourself, try this:
Take a logical approach to your drinking and accept that it's likely a problem. Most of what you've shared with us here are symptoms of alcoholism. That's not judgment, that's just a fact. You can Google symptoms of alcoholism for yourself or ask your doctor and be honest that you were really drinking 500 mL of vodka a day. I would imagine, that would probably get his attention.
ThatWasTheOldMe is offline