I'm in a rough spot.
I don't understand exactly why I feel this way. It's 7 months now and things are slipping. The AV is kicking in. Thoughts of drinking are lingering longer than just a fleeting moment. I can feel bouts of a depressed attitude without being able to shake it off. It's almost as if I'm letting myself feel "depressed".
These are old feelings I had on a regular basis while drinking. I can feel some self hatred for various reasons. The negative aspects of my life are highlighted right now with job, back pain, stress, family, and social isolation. Old feelings of grabbing that case of beer and just chugging away my problems are surfacing. Although I do indeed enjoy time by myself, I miss the rowdy times with my friends.
I don't think I am romancing any sort of alcohol induced good time either, mainly because I know if do drink again it will put me back where I was. But for some reason that thought isn't scaring me like before.
I am definitely in a funk.