It's really easy to just be like, move on. End of discussion. It was over eight years of my life. It's not like flipping a light switch. It's a process, and I'm incredibly proud of myself for making it this far. Examining him and his choices and the inevitable outcome of those choices allows me to see his flaws, something I've shielded myself from for a very long time. I don't know if I like the person he's becoming, which begs the question: why am I even doing all of this? A part of me was holding on, to be the one person who stuck by his side through it all, but to be frank- he doesn't deserve that, with the way he is acting. And I don't deserve the discomfort it's going to put me through for the next year or so to be there for him. There's no guarantees anyway, and unless he eats a BIG slice of humble pie and does a 180 back to who he was, I'm not even interested at this point, or in a year.

ive worked with battered women (not that this is the same) and I just feel like people get frustrated when you don't just get over life-altering situations in like 24 hours. That's not realistic. I never claimed to be some resentment free AA guru, either. I'm human, and I'm working through this without any outside help, or even one person in my life who even knows this is happening. I think I've come a long way from someone who would basically be non-functional if he ceased to show interest in me, and now I'm being honest enough to come right out and say things that might very well cause him to never come back- and that's totally fine. And I'm doing all of this while I'm being completely dedicated to not engaging in ANY behaviors in a city where I still don't know anyone.