Thank you all for the supportive and thoughtful replies. Yes, Alateen/Alakid - I’ll start looking for nearby meetings. I’m also starting to look into the topic of communication within alcoholic families. In a quick glance at a list of common traits of alcoholic family communication I recognized them all to one degree or another. I always knew we had lots of unspoken communication and repressed thoughts/feelings, but I think the topic - the patterns, the habits, the trends - is a lot deeper than I ever realized. Or maybe on some level I did and that is a big part of why I’m leaving.

Today is is the day. Movers are coming soon. It will be my first night in the new place.

I spent all all of yesterday meandering about in F.O.G.(fear, obligation, guilt) while packing up things and thinking of how today, the actual moving out, will be such a significant milestone in the ending of this relationship. Enough to ensure I was completely distraught all day. At some point I had the realization that I have grieved, thought through, reasoned, pondered, wrestled with, and anguished enough. It’s over. I don’t need to answer that desperately persistent question of whether he is an alcoholic. I am not responsible for his pain management. I’m moving. Literally. And it really is time to move on in my head too. He’s not going to make some Hail Mary plea here at the end and commit to recovery. And I’m not going to keep living with a heavy alcohol user.