Hi Fiona, I'm glad you found us and super sad that you have good reason to be here.
Grieving that dream takes one heck of a long time. As you no doubt have noticed (!!!!) ending a relationship AND the possibility of having children is super tough. Please get all the support you can as you go through this.
I never married nor had children. I'm 56. For whatever reason this hasn't been too tough for me but of course my experience doesn't change things for you.
I will say kids and family are my life. I've managed to be a kind of foster adult or assistant adult in several families. This probably wouldn't work for everyone but it is what has evolved without me really choosing it. Ugh, so much of life we don't get to choose.
Strangely as I type this, I'm sitting next to my brother's 12 year old son in my sister's house. He is frantically doing algebra as he has been in Alaska with me for a week. We went halibut fishing yesterday. Tomorrow we fly home. Two weeks ago I was sponsor for a young friend making her first communion/confirmation. Her mother can't get into the country so I try to fill in when I can for the absent Mom.
You absolutely won't have a life like mine. Yours will have different twists and turns. I so so hope it will contain many children and deep joy. I wish this could have come to you in the more traditional way and of course there is a small chance it still could. However, you may have a fantastic life without traditional family.
Finally, please accept my deep gratitude for not having a child with this alcoholic. This situation brings such suffering for all involved specially the child. What you have done takes a level of courage and integrity many don't have. I'm not sure I could have in your situation.