LifeChangeNYC: Thank you so much for your comment. And yes, this about the 'dream' sounds so familiar. I guess the hardest thing is that I kept on thinking how 'if only' there wouldn't be for his addiction, we would have been a perfect match in so many different areas (intellectually, emotionally, even spiritually). And actually, I saw the man behind his mask so to speak, and he was absolutely incredible human being under all these layers of self-denial.
And that tears me apart so much, as I truly hoped that our love and undeniable closeness would somehow penetrate through all those 'layers' and break his spirit free/help him to ultimately heal. But now it seems as if we only added up to further mutual hurt and heartache. And, Im absolutely sure he suffers in his own way because of this separation.
But I did explain to him that I cant stay as that wouldn't be right in my eyes (i would enable him, and that I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for-ever).
Also, as you so well said- having family/kids in such conditions would be absolutely ignorant and irresponsible in my opinion. So a hard decision to not participate in such situation simply HAD to be made. I suppose, us being in our early 40s, it is hard to cope with the thought of starting over with someone else and building another 'dream'. However, life is still a gift (i personally believe so) and so, perhaps we should strive to always remain open for an opportunity that such dream is still an option somehow. Even if its hard to see at the moment. For me, at least... Having said that, should you wish to share some more on what is helping you in your healing at the moments, id be happy to find out... And of course, Best wishes to you too!!!