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Old 05-16-2019, 11:23 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Kixster
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Kixster, I'm sorry all of this is going on in your family. I'm going to say something that is going to seem harsh, please know it is not intended that way and is just my opinion from what you have written.

What your MIL said and what you have done in the example you just gave, of his accident, is really one and the same thing. Everyone running around putting out fires, protecting HIM. Not protecting your Daughter, yourself but him.

You allowed your Daughter to lie to the police, encouraged it, had her break the law, to defend and cover for the crime he committed while drunk.

This is called enabling and this is its worst form, when it is given to the child.

You said you would give your life for him. Well you are, every day and you have given part of hers as well. You encouraged her to dismiss her integrity to defend his alcoholism and his choices.

Have you read the book Codependant no more by Melody Beattie? If not I would recommend you do as it might shed some light on your situation. If you do get the book, please give it to your Daughter to read as well.

I don't know that an intervention with this group would even be effective, he has been coddled for so long, why would he take any of you seriously? Do you really believe if he refused to go to treatment you would let him live elsewhere?

Anyway, I don't want to write a novel here but enabling someone to continue drinking is not helping them. You may just enable him to death.

harshly, just with concern.
Thank You and I completely understand and agree, it IS Enabling in the worst possible way ~ She and I decided to do this together, as a matter of fact she said we need to hide him ASAP and she said this should be a wake up call for him and we can now insist he gets help..which was our plan. But his family sugar coated it and once again didn't stand with us on this .My daughter,she is in her mid 30's and I would never encourage a child to lie and even though she is an adult..well I think we were both hesitant but somewhere in the back of our minds we thought this might be the wake up call and we could use our loyalty towards him as leverage to encourage him to get help...well this could of happened or that could of happened and look where you would be now if we hadn't done this for you and now that we saved you it's time for you to get help.
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