Realest - I totally get what you're saying.
Lemme hit you with a challenge though. Rather than looking at how you see others doing (or not doing) X or Y and how it leads to trouble for them...... instead try and look at what others are doing/not doing and then look to see how you're just like them.
It makes it a lot more personal and it's a lot tougher. It definitely is tough on the 'ol ego and one's false pride, that's for sure. While it may come natural for me to look at others and get somewhat judgmental (or maybe just be observant and see things.....), the way that info really becomes valuable to ME and MY recovery is to see not necessarily IF but HOW I'm just like that person.
Take the "don't drink and go to meetings to stay sober" person. Let's just say they don't have a spiritual program, aren't really in action, seem to have the power to get and stay sober, haven't worked the steps........etc. Ok, now I look at myself:
1. I may have a "more" spiritual program but how many days have I skipped praying. How many times today should I have turned to God but didn't? How did I do turning my attention to God when I was angry or scared instead of focusing on the problem at hand instead focusing on the source of my strength?
2. Ok, I sponsor a couple people and I went out of my way 3x today to do something kind for others. But..... didn't I look for some congratulations for the help I provided? How may people in the last couple meetings did I NOT go up to and offer to sponsor? How many times did I duck doing what I really felt I should have done because I felt lazy, too busy, or like it wasn't my responsibility?
3. I "say" I don't have the power to keep myself sober but do my actions bear that out? If I truly believe I'm powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable (ie - the AA definition of someone with alcoholism), then there won't be any times during the day where attempted to play God, manage my life, or manage other's lives. ......I've yet to get through a day where I was not guilty of at least one of those - and usually it's all of them. So it seems MY actions are those of someone who thinks they can manage their life and thereby keep themself sober..... hmmm. See a trend here?
I could continue but I think you catch my drift.
Several things happen with this exercise. One, I realize "those" poor suffering alkies aren't all that much different than me - the supposed "recovered alcoholic who's been working a spiritual program of action for 12 years." Two - it really gets my ego right-sized, presuming I'm honest with myself. Three, I see that when I first ask myself if I'm guilty of what I see "them" doing my first reply is NO......and I believe it. Upon further investigation I see where even NOW with all these years of practice, I'm still the victim of delusional thinking and I'm still sometimes driven by a whole bunnnnch of false ego and pride. Most importantly though, it lets me really identify and empathize with others. Hell, I'm no better than them. I have a lot of better practices for sure but really, I'm still not scoring all A's over here. I still fall short - a lot. And who am I to believe that my 3/4 program is enough to keep me sober today .......tomorrrow .......this year ......next year? It down-sizes my egoic self and puts me in a more humble position - and it's from this position that when I talk to those other folks I sound a whole hell of a lot more attractive and interesting and a helluva lot less authoritarian and dictatorial. It also gives me a helluva daily 10th step, sets me up for a great evening review in the 11th step and gets me back in touch with the first step - which is the root of my willingness and desire to work the rest of the program daily......... because I start to see that no matter how well I'm doing (or think I'm doing), there's plenty of room for improvement.
I'g guilty of the same thing I see pretty much everyone doing quite a bit of in AA..... trying to convince myself I'm doing enough to stay sober. And if that's not bad enough, I catch myself all the time finding ways to rank or place myself as "doing better" than as many folks as I can. From what i've seen, it's this spiritual-one-ups-manship behavior that takes a lot of people with time out. And isn't it really, at it's core, just that same old egotistic, judgmental, selfish and self centered thinking that we have been warned over and over is THE most dangerous thing there is for an alkie? .....more dangerous than even booze, if the Big Book is to be believed (and I believe it.
) .
I was asked.... and eventually came to believe.... that we see people and experience situations in our lives not so we can wonder just "why do THEY do that" but to take those things inside ourselves and look for the similarities. And while it can be a very tough task, I don't usually have to look too hard anymore to see the same thoughts and behaviors in myself. Once I get to that point, I'm a lot more effective when I'm with those other folks AND I've got some great direction for my own recovery to get focused on.