‘After thirty years I've become my fears
I've become the kind of man I always hated.’
The above lyric, from one of my favourite bands, James, haunted me throughout my twenties. Each time alcohol ravaged another friendship/relationship/project, the lyric provided poignant food for thought - I do not want to enter a new period of my life under alcohol’s control.
Having recently turned 30, I can confirm that I do indeed turn my negative feelings inward. Do I hate myself? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that after my recent binges, I became numb, angry, and ultimately ambivalent whether I lived or died.
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Today is a bittersweet day. On one hand, I finally admitted to myself that I cannot complete my postgraduate course due to my addiction. On the other, I have fully committed to my recovery, which begins now. I have my first SMART meeting on Friday, and I’ve drawn up a rough plan for the next 6 weeks (I’m moving house at the end of June). Therefore, during the coming weeks (and beyond!), I will be fully focused on my recovery.
Until Friday, I am going to hang out here, read, and post.
Peace and love to all x
Last edited by Resurgence; 05-15-2019 at 02:15 AM.
Reason: Typo