Hi Kixter: welcome & glad you found this forum. It's helped me & so many others.
I'm still fairly new here -- but the pain is deep. I did, early on try & control what & how much my AXGF drank but honestly it wasn't for me to control. It was her life & her addiction. Yes, her addiction had such a severe impact on my life & well being.
But honestly every attempt I made at trying to control... talk... cry... beg... write letters... walk away... argue... hold interventions (had plenty), etc... the worse things became. They also became extremely dangerous as her drinking increased. The more I tried - the more she drank & the more I was spiraling out of control.
When she'd try to detox or cut back (again, not recommended) at home... she'd discuss with me what was a fair "daily alcohol ration" for herself... she'd make a list & she'd try to drink less each day. I wouldn't decide, she would.
But looking back, only trained medical professionals (in my opinion) should handle this in a proper detox environment. The reason I bring this up... is because many alcoholics can have seizures (like my ex did countless times & nearly died) & worse if alcohol rationing starts to happen without understanding how much/how little, etc. It can become physically dangerous for the alcoholic and also mentally dangerous (& sometimes both) to the partner who's trying to "control" the drinking. He/she's gotta want it. My ex was/is an adult & didn't need me to tell her when she could/could not drink. Even though, my heart was crying out to SAVE her!
There's a lot of important/helpful posts & comments on interventions on here as well.
Wish you the best, as I can imagine just how painful this is for you & your family!