I'm okay today. I guess the thing that makes the ED different than alcohol is that you can do it a little bit (at least at first). When I was drinking, I was either sober or in a blackout. There was no in between. And it feels less threatening- who gets arrested for not eating or driving under the influence of feeling fat? No one ODs from it (although it is actually quite fatal). But I guess I always feel like I can engage for a while and then quit, or as long as I'm not bingeing and purging (which is HELL) then I'm okay.

I really do like the life life I have and I don't want to screw it up, so there's that.

My my mom is also sick, and because of her own addictions/ED (which may very well be the reason she is sick) she is unlikely to follow through with treatment. This worries me, particularly now that I'm 350 miles away. She is supposedly getting some tests done this week. We will see. But if they tell her to quit drinking or get surgery, that's never going to happen.