hi there,
i like that you are tearful, terrified and that excited. very especially the excited part. tells me you are looking forward to a change for the better. at least, that is what i found so exciting
there is nothing you HAVE to do at a meeting; absolutely nothing. if you are not sure you are powerless over alcohol, then no reason to say so.
if you do know that alcohol has “got you licked”, you have already started the stepwork and are in a good place to start out in the better direction.
hope you will soon tell us about your first meeting!