hummingbird...I know the feeling. Sometimes, it is better not to know the details of what is going on in the adult children's lives. I know that we parents always crave to know that they are doing well and that there are no problems....
Actually, if he lived down the block...it probably wouldn't change the reality of things...you would just know more details to get upset over....
There is a point where parents have no control over what their grown children do....
You have a right to find enjoyment in your life....even with the sadness and worry about your son.....
It a human life...it is true that areas of sadness/grief can, and do, exist side by side.....
the other day, I saw a young mother (30ish)….on an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress".....her 9ur. old son had just died. a month earlier, after a battle with cancer...She had planned the wedding date, a while back, when they thought that the son would live. She had a wonderful fiancée who had been supportive and two younger children...
She had wanted to cancel the wedding because she thought that it would be disrespectful to feel happy about something, so soon after her beloved son's passing....
Her whole family gathered around her and said that she should go through with the wedding and enjoy it....that denying herself joy would not bring her son back ….and, that her son would not want his mother to be in sadness every minute of her life....
Turns out, that she did get a nice dress and go through the wedding...and, seemed better for it....
I though this is a good example of what I was talking about, above....