Originally Posted by
Katerina1072 
I just can't turn my back on him when he is putting in the effort and says he knows he's not going to have any kind of future if he doesn't get help.
Katerina, I don't think you are a fool and I won't think you are a fool if all his resolve diminishes and he never gets any help.
Here is the thing, try not to be too hopeful. You say he is "putting in the effort" but at this point his only effort is getting back to your house from the roach motel - yes he looks terrible, he has had thousands of dollars to spend on drugs over a few weeks. Remember, yesterday he said he hated hurting you and would come back but he got high and changed his mind.
The day before, same thing.
Today he is getting help - next week - why do you believe him? Did you believe him yesterday and the day before? I don't know that he is lying but he sure as heck can't make a decision and stick to it.
"Also, I am glad the girls will be here. I don't think any of us wanted to see them stuck over there in that house".
Only you. The Sister doesn't care, the Mother doesn't care, your BF does not care, all these people were willing to have them be there. Only you are relieved. The people you are speaking about are not on the same wavelength as you, they are not your friends, they are loyal to themselves.
You said yesterday:
Originally Posted by
Katerina1072 Wish I didn't have to say this, but she already knows all of this (the mother). But she's wants her free time....so I guess it's out of my hands. Everyone knows and just looks out for themselves.
And he realized he's never going to get help at his sister's
He never went to his Sister's for help, he went there to get high. I imagine the money has run out now? If he says it hasn't, have him show it to you?
Honestly, I don't believe that all relationships with addicts are "doomed" I'm not some naysayer, I think under the right circumstances there can absolutely be hope.
All he has done so far is let you support him, take your $5000.00, spend it on drugs with his Sister and so you could pay his back child support then abandon you the minute he was financially able, that's it. Please don't put the cart before the horse here, he has made zero effort, that is the truth right now. It's ok to hope, but being realistic is important to protect yourself. You can't keep getting hit by how this is hurting you without having it affect you.
I hope you will continue to post. It is all too easy to fall back in to old patterns, you being the caregiver, him being the "victim" - isolating yourself to look after him.
If he doesn't quit next week, if he doesn't go to detox (if needed) if he doesn't seek recovery, you will be right back where you were a few weeks ago before he took off on you. Look at his ACTIONS not his words.
Please don't sleep with him until he has clear AIDS and hepatitis tests. He has been in a household with an intravenous heroin user(s) you don't know that he hasn't tried it and shared those needles and you can't take his word for it because he might not even remember. Protect yourself.