Originally Posted by
Mysteryman 
I suspected that part might prompt this kind of response.
To be perfectly honest with you, I havent yet come to terms in my mind with never being able to drink again at some point for the rest of my life. I wish I could, but it's my biggest struggle. Ive quit hundreds of times for a few days or weeks, and I believe me I know it gets harder each time. I know how destructive it is and the problems it has caused me.
The one thing that stops me thinking in those absolute terms right now is my partner and my family and friends, and some of the times that I was able to enjoy one or two drinks with them without self destructing, and I used to be able to do that. The memories of those times are great and to rule that out forever, and to think of them passing away or leaving my life without the possibility of spending times like that again, maybe in years and years in the future, is just too much for me to get my head around right now.
Im not planning on relapsing any time soon, ha, who is? Im taking it one day at a time and not thinking too much that far into the future at all. One day maybe I can contemplate other ideas. Hope this makes sense.
I think that;s a stumbling block for everyone. No one wants to 'have to' change their life.
For me, I was never a normal drinker.
Even tho I was capable, at one time, of just having one or two, I always wanted to get wasted. That was what alcohol was for.
As the years wore on those one or two drinks occasions got less and less.
By my late 40s they were non existent.
I drank all day every day to unconsciousness.
I nearly died. Still I wasn't sure I wanted to quit forever, or even decide if it was necessary to do that.
Thankfully I found this community
They showed me a life without alcohol is not one permeated by a sense of loss - in fact I got myself free of self imposed chains.
I got my life, and my soul, back.
I'm sober now because I want to be, not because I 'have to' be.