Surfbee…..the fact that you said that "He was my best friend" stood out to me.
Really?!
Does a best friend desert you just when you need them the most?
Does a best friend minimize your legitimate feelings?
Is your best friend "verbally cruel" to you....ever....
You don't need to live off of "crumbs" in a relationship....you are worth much more than that...
I think that you described the Cycle of Abuse...."pleasure...pain...pleasure...pain...(goo gle "cycle of abuse")….
Mature and healthy love is not abusive and doesn't hurt this much.....
I think that you are probably right....that he will probably not return...in any meaningful way....living up to the responsibilities of a parent scares these kind of guys to death.....
surfbee...here is my biggest fear for you----not that he won't return...because that would really be a gift to you, if he doesn't return....as you will do better without him.....
My biggest fear for you is that you...like all of us humans....will repeat the same pattern, again, with someone else....We all repeat our patterns, if we don't learn from our experiences.....
This whole painful experience can be a golden opportunity for you to do some self exploration and introspection. To learn more about yourself and your needs and what "makes you tick", so to speak.....
Now is the time to learn all that you can.
Knowledge is power.....
In order to begin this journey into self awareness....which will increase your self esteem and confidence enormously.....and spare you the pain of another such relationship, in the future....It will help you find relationships that nurture and help you thrive....not hurt you....
1. Read "Co-Dependent No More"
2. Read about the "Cycle of Abuse"
3. Call your local Domestic Abuse organization and ask to join their women's support group,,,,and be assigned a personal counselor....(these are great people!)….
4. Avoid getting into another intimate relationship until you have done the work on yourself and can recognize what is healthy and nurturing for you....
5. If you get into another relationship....take a LON/g time to get to know that person really well.....it takes about a year or two....
6. Now that you have a small child to think of....do not get into any relationship commitments...like living together (for example)...or ever become dependent on a partner for your primary support....Do not ever give away your independence, again....
I realize that I am speaking quite candidly, to you. Everything that I have saijd, I have learned from my OWN school of hard knocks.....lol...