Old 05-01-2019, 09:24 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
trailmix
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Originally Posted by Surfbee View Post
Just so hard facing the ending of a dream.
Yes, we should always examine our part in relationships. You are really hard on yourself though.

Let's pretend you are "too emotional" as he stated.

So he looks at it and thinks, well, she is just too emotional, cries when I say something that could be slightly hurtful, I'm tired of listening to the complaints about how I am not kind enough with her. Do I have to watch every single thing I say!

That's not you, that's him. He has decided that HE can't handle the emotions. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, you are just as you are. Now, if you think you cry at the drop of a hat and that's too much, well that's up to you to work on or be comfortable with, as YOU choose, that's your side of the street, his side is a mess btw (not that he knows that because everything is your fault).

I'm going to guess you are also "too sensitive". I take this to mean that you should be completely sensitive to all his trials and tribulations but not be sensitive to anything he says or does.

Whenever someone comes to you with a - YOU are - whatever, they aren't talking about you, they are talking about their reaction to you. They can either accept you as you are or keep distance.

That whole - if you love me why are you hurt comment is so classic of impaired thinking. I hurt you, I know this, why are you hurt? That's just mean, nothing more. That is some kind of warped justification for venting negative feelings on to you. When someone hurts you, you get hurt, whether you love them or hate them or something inbetween, that's completely normal!

I'm going to guess that a lot of the blame you put on yourself is about being too - whatever the emotion is - in this relationship. Expecting him to show up and be kind, gracious, polite, caring, loving? Then you look at that and think, well those are my expectations, he is not capable of any of those things on a regular basis, so my expectations are out of whack, it's not him it's me!

I'm going to quote Sparklekitty because she said it so succinctly:

Beating yourself up for not being able to mold yourself into the unrealistic person he has convinced you you should be will get you nowhere.
Having him stroll in and out of your life is really destructive. You can heal from this, you have done it before. You will feel better. Try not to dwell too much on him, when you can. You know what is best for you.
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