In sobriety I realize all the amazing things I have to be grateful for. All the opportunity afforded me. The beauty in everything that surrounds me. But, those thoughts you speak of still creep into my mind. I recognize them now and focus very hard at not letting myself linger too long there. It's not easy though as I feel they are all part of my experience and I no longer want to hide from any of it.
Memories are about the me that did. Dreams are the me to come. Drinking kept me stuck in the past. Sobriety keeps me focused on the now.
Recognizing them both is healthy. Just keep the past in the past. I appreciate your thoughts kinzo, and your willingness to express them.
Keep on my friend.