Originally Posted by
dwtbd 
Sorry missed the edit window.
Should say and see how if anything I said you disagree with , is really just your AV pushing back against and calling bs.
I said something similar. When you stare at the AV and shine a bright light on it, it's a pathetic little thing. Although I didn't formally make a Big Plan, there was a point where a switch flipped when I realized that all of these problems I was facing in rehab would go away if I never drank again. There would be other problems, such is life, but problems related to addiction would simply go away.
So I decided that I would never drink or use addictive substances again. It gives me the space to look at the AV monster and see that it's just a wilted little twig if I don't give it any power. I did want a drink or even better a benzo when my dog died. The sadness was overwhelming. I wanted to just not feel anything. Rationally I knew that it would be a few hours of oblivion and then the feelings would return...along with having to go through getting sober all over again. I could rationally sit with the pain, and although it was horrible, it didn't destroy me. Crying was OK. Feeling sad was a human feeling that made me feel alive, like food or sex. I also used it to get back to some other old feelings of sadness that I was carrying around and masking with anger. I feel like a stronger and better person to admit my weakness and lack of control, and let true feelings wash over me.
Screw the AV. Screw cravings. They're nothing.
The longer I'm sober the easier it gets. I couldn't be so frank and forthright in the first 90 days, fo sho.
Just say no to the AV.