Hi Scared1
When I was in the depth of my depression and drinking I had self esteem that had been horribly battered. I completely understand what it is like to have to pick yourself up again and carry on even when you feel so down on yourself.
My husbands response to my drinking behavior was to sometimes be very mean and because I already felt so low about my behavior I would just take it.
I am in a much better place now and when I look back on how I got here it was really one day at a time. Do even the smallest thing for yourself in the form of self care. You are more then worthy and you are very brave to walk this very difficult path.