"I struggle to know what will I do with my free time, especially on weekends. For me, despite loving life, it is so damn boring and I hate being alone. That's my trigger, I want to shut my brain down to be able to avoid spending time with myself. "
Oh boy, I could have written that exact thing when I was newly sober. I really did not like myself, so being alone with only my own company seemed like the most horrible punishment possible. I went to meetings and I was in IOP, though, so that used up some time. I was only working part-time. When I did have time alone at home, I kept myself distracted with sobriety-related books, lots of games on my ipad, cleaning and organizing, and lots of hikes in the woods. I had a hard time just sitting and watching Netflix or TV - I'd get antsy. So I know how you feel. It got better. Lots better. As I worked on myself and my days of sobriety started to add up, I felt better about myself and actually started to look forward to alone time. Now I often feel like I don't have enough of it!