You want to do a lot of things. And you can. You simply have to be willing. Willing to go to any length necessary. I had to get on my knees, I had to throw myself into sobriety more than I wanted to drink.
Ten years later, it still works.
But at the end of my drinking, and even now, I have to be willing. Willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
You can do it. Are you willing?