Originally Posted by
ait 
I don’t drink every day, but when I do, it’s impossible for me to stop. I always think that I can handle it, but sometimes I get blackouts and do and say stupid things. Last time it happened was yesterday, before that about 4 months ago. I feel so ashamed and angry at myself.
Welcome Ait. Most of us have done things we regret when we are drinking, and it doesn't really matter if you drink every day or not. If drinking is a problem it's a problem, no matter how much or how often.
As was mentioned earlier...try not to complicate things too much. If drinking is the problem, quitting drinking is the solution. Or at least it's the best way to get started. Blackouts and all the associated problems with them are 100% preventable if you never pick up a drink to begin with. "thinking you can handle it" is a lie your addiction tells you...you will never be able to handle it if you are an alcoholic like the rest of us.
You will find a lot of support and understanding here on SR, and there are plenty of recovery groups and other resources likely in your own home town. But the first step is to quit drinking and get rid of any alcohol you might have around.