Pregnant and looking for positive guidance
Hey everyone, I've been off here for months as I'd been so overcome with stress and worry... Basically after my dad had a heart attack a few months ago I learned I was a couple of months pregnant.
Making a decsion on what to do became the most stressful time. My 2 year A boyfriend completely freaked out and we split. I made two appointments to terminate the pregnancy but I couldn't go through with it....saught out counseling, talked to my family and closest friends. I was crippled with fear about either path ...both paths seemed unbearable.
Finally, for a moment, after weeks of worry, I managed to put my fears aside and connect with this little baby and suddenly I felt all this peace...it was in that moment i knew I really wanted to keep my baby. I then faced every worry in my mind to see if I could cope. Calculated finances, researched practicals and imagined all worst case scenarios in regards to A, and in regards to my own worries, and realised yes I can do this, I'll be a good mum and I'm ready. I also have a great support network, I'll manage. As soon as I made decsion I felt so happy.
And then out of nowhere after weeks my A shows up, he did a complete u-turn and wanted to make it work. He's stopped drinking, and he was very positive, planning the future, and he was all lovey dovey and overall very excited. But then he u-turned again after he got this bizarre panicked thought in his mind... Which snowballed into a nasty argument. No point going into specifics but basically he became quite verbally cruel and I just flipped out in reaction, and we've broken up (again).
Although he's stopped drinking, there is no recovery plan which isn't good. And I love him and would really love this all to work.... But i also sense it would be wise to get into a place of indifference in regards to him so that when baby arrives, I'm able to easily keep boundaries and we can be seperate but amicable. Just wanted to reach out here and hope you guys can offer some guidance on this, positive tips going forward about pregnancy, new motherhood in this kind of situation x