Originally Posted by Obladi

Hi Rich,

I'm so sorry for what brings you here, but am glad you've found us. Here you will find a ton of people who understand and can help support you if you make the choice to stop drinking.

Every single bit of the story you tell is familiar to me, with the exception of a drinking spouse as I have no partner at all. Yeah, the morning certainty followed by waffling followed by drinking again - that went on for years. I went on a vacation last year by myself and ended up coming home early - drinking in my own bedroom was preferable to being anywhere else. For at least the six months prior to my final quite date 29 days ago, I also avoided in-person meetings and constantly worried that someone would call me out on my boozy odor or shaking hands. My life had gradually become so small and miserable that I too had a passive (and sometimes a bit more active) death wish.

Given all that, I suspect what's wrong with you is the same thing that was wrong with me; consuming alcohol. The only way I know to resolve that is to stop drinking and stay stopped. There are lots of ways to do that. The common thread is that all of them hinge on making a commitment to taking drinking off the table as an option.

It would be a very good idea for you to go see a physician who is familiar with treating addiction. That person could help you find a way to detox safely and help with the anxiety/sleep stuff. Some people skip that step, but as a (former) chronic relapser who has quit many different ways, I highly recommend qualified medical support.

I hope you stick around here - we want to help.

O