Thank you for the replies. I forgot to mention earlier in my post but my doctor put me on pills by my request and that’s how I was able to stop for the 30 days. Here is the biggest problem now. Every time I don’t drink for 3 days I start to feel better I guess? I always seem to quit on saturdays. So Sunday I wake up and try to rest most of the day. I don’t sleep good and Monday wake up and go to work. Everything you can imagine goes wrong. Drop stuff, trip, silly stuff you can’t make up. Then I go home Monday night and try to stay busy so I don’t think about it. When I stop working at the house I go to bed. Lay there till midnight and eventually fall asleep. Tuesday I get up and reluctantly go to work and same thing. But same silliness happens and irritable. I then force myself to stay awake until 6-7 and then lay down. Anxiety kicks in as soon as I hit the pillow and I can hardly blink no less fall asleep. I push through and Wednesday grumpy as hell. I then talk about drinking and my I drink. Wed, - sat my wife picks up a bottle at the abc store, 1/5 of Jim beam honey, capt, or something. I get embarrassed so I don’t go but only once a week. Then Saturday night when I drink, I drink like it is it. Get really drunk. Saying it’s my last time. My son is a marine and my daughter is a junior. I tell them today is the last day and I mean it.... (I really do). I say if I do drink again I am going to AA.
Problem with AA is I feel like I would know someone there and since my business is substantial it could be used against me in a way. I would feel embarrassed. I was going to go to a different town but shy of walking out the door I turn around and say I can do it myself. Up until the last few months I could really hide it well, but lately I been drinking 7 days a week and trying to create slow days at work. Lastly.... when I quit for that 30 days, I felt really good. I’ve quit 3-4 times before for 30 days, that was the first I needed meds. But I start to feel really good and y life just becomes work. There is no more fun left. My whole life, I am 45 has been drinking and work. I just fit everything else in. I’ve tried to drink other stuff, that’s how I switched to Jim beam and honey and cokes. Doesn’t get me as drunk as capt Morgan. Maybe the honey? I think I may be just a lost cause? It’s weird, the drinking used to be with friends and now besides my wife I haven’t drank with anyone else for about a year. Except after a meeting at a bar but I halt the brakes on that until they are gone or I go home. Then the real drinking starts. Really disappointed in myself. Going to try very hard not to drink from now through the weekend. I’ll e at the beach with my wife an already texted her and told her I need to relax as she heard everything all the time.....