Sooooo I usually dont tell people to leave their spouse(especially since I haven't left mine) however. Throw the marriage away and start over.
Okay seriously though.
Is this how you want to live? You deserve better.
Get yourself to a counselor. Get your kids into counseling. Work on yourself. Stop worrying about her and what shes doing. She'll change if she wants to. That was the hardest lesson for me to learn.
You cant control what others do but you can control how you deal with it.
Listen to the people here. They have good advice. Even if you dont want to hear it.
I hope you find some peace.