Originally Posted by nhwm
Questions for a few of the people responding so far.
1.) Why is her having emotional relationships with other men wrong? I feel like I am being controlling if I ask her to stop talking to that person , or to at least back it down some. I may feel that way because she has trained me to feel that way as well. I feel it's wrong as she is having a private relationship with another man, these arent relationships i'm privy to the conversations, such would be the cause with neighbors and family friends. Help me on this please.
Because it is antithetical to trust, intimacy, and emotional privilege.
2.) Why is her talking to everyone about our relationship so bad? She feels the need to vent. To me, I feel it is a break of our trust and intimacy. Help me on this as well please.
See my answer above. More importantly, you answered your own question.
3.) I agree contacting her work was bad. However, nobody has yet given an opinion on how they think my spouse not quiting her job reflects upon us. Anyone have thoughts about this? I feel it is awful insult to me and us, that she refuses to find another job.
I can only speak for myself that I didn't answer about the job because the job is not the problem. Again, this is one way you are trying to control something that is down the list and distracting from the crux of all of this.
Ok, this takes me aback yet illustrates the power of denial, the need to control and the victimhood role you are in so well. Please know, again, that I am saying everything I do out of experience, compassion and- frankly? The view of emotional life and death for everyone involved
. Particularly your kids.
Please see my answers above.
Finally, as others have alluded to or suggested: this is above our paygrade. Professional help- intensive professional help
- is absolutely in order.