Originally Posted by Amusic
I am in a horrible situation as well. I live with My Alcoholic/Drug Addict "boyfriend " of 6.5 years. As of recently our life is spinning out of control. Mostly because I FINALLY took my blindfold off and faced REALITY. Well I just recently found out he was using again , and THAT really sent a shock wave through me as I thought this whole time it was just alcohol, and that is bad enough! He has put me down to our mutual friends. He tells them I don't like him to have friends and I don't like him to have a "good time". He has made me out to be a horrible person , yet he REFUSES to leave me - to move out of my house. He has posted things about me on social media. He LIES while looking into my eyes. He tells me he's not drunk when he is falling over drunk. I called the cops on him one night when he came home drunk and I broke down and couldn't take it anymore. He ended up getting arrested. My entire life with him is a tug of war - to make him see what he's doing and take responsibility and to come up with a resolve. There has NEVER been a resolve or any form of accountability taken for the disasters we have been through because of his addictions. ALL I ever wanted was a meaningful relationship based on TRUST , LOYALTY, values morals and an honest effort to make each other the best people we can be together and apart. This is IMPOSSIBLE WITH AN ADDICT. I sit at home alone many nights wondering where he is as he ignores my text and phone calls. I go through his phone after he passes out and find out about the bar hoping and parties and drugs. I used to REACT and call him a loser and drunk and tell him I want my life back without him. I only called his boss and told him the situation when he was in jail for 4 days and I knew I needed to contact his work. His boss knew he "likes to party". When he puts me down in front our friends, I leave. When he does it in on social media I refrain from involving myself (even though all I want to do is lay it out On him and set the record straight). BUT I don't want to give anyone on FB the pleasure of watching my life fall apart. INSTEAD I'm holding myself together by attending Alanon meetings - seeing a therapist AND MAKING A PLAN TO GET OUT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND I WANT TO SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS ME. You sound like all of us here, someone who CARES not just for yourself but for your wife. Unfortunately we are with people who don't care that we care. And no matter what we do to show them will only escalate the situation. Leaving them to fend for themselves I think may be the ONLY way for them to find their true selves and for us to find out true selves. The pain is overwhelming. All the best.
Ugh Amusic, that is a miserable and classic story of life with an addict. So glad to hear that you are in Alanon and coming up with a plan to separate yourself from him. He needs to do what he is doing. You get to choose what you are going to do given the fact that he doesn't want to change.
Keep us posted about how it goes and what "next right step" you are taking to get your life back.