SparkleKitty
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You want a partner who shares your values, and your wife has demonstrated that she does not. Since you cannot change another person, you can either find a new set of values or find a new partner.
But you do not have to do anything right this second. Do you have real life support like a counselor, priest, or trusted friend/family member you can speak to about this? Someone who knows you? I understand your desire for privacy, but you've taken a step here on an internet forum to gain more understanding. Face to face support can be even more valuable.
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I do not have anyone I would feel comfortable talking about these issues with. I am just now starting to entertain the idea of a counselor for myself.
Thank you for your thoughts and advice