Originally Posted by nhwm
Questions for a few of the people responding so far.
1.) Why is her having emotional relationships with other men wrong? I feel like I am being controlling if I ask her to stop talking to that person , or to at least back it down some. I may feel that way because she has trained me to feel that way as well. I feel it's wrong as she is having a private relationship with another man, these arent relationships i'm privy to the conversations, such would be the cause with neighbors and family friends. Help me on this please.
2.) Why is her talking to everyone about our relationship so bad? She feels the need to vent. To me, I feel it is a break of our trust and intimacy. Help me on this as well please.
3.) I agree contacting her work was bad. However, nobody has yet given an opinion on how they think my spouse not quiting her job reflects upon us. Anyone have thoughts about this? I feel it is awful insult to me and us, that she refuses to find another job.
I know you are looking for different perspectives on #1 and #2, but in reality--it doesn't matter what other people think, it only matters what YOU think. If you don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who has emotional affairs--don't! If you don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who talks poorly of you to other people--don't! It involves setting boundaries around what behaviors you won't put up with, and then enforcing those boundaries if people step over them.
It sounds like you are bending over backwards to try to make this relationship work. Your boundaries have been trampled on and you seem desperate to gain control over the situation--e.g. the bad decision to text her coworkers. The only person in this situation you have control over is yourself, however, so you're going to drive yourself nuts trying to get her to do what you want.
She's an adult. She can do what she wants. But you don't have to live with it ....