I'm sorry for what brings you here. I'm glad you're here.
Much abuse can be 'normalized', minimized and hidden from our own awareness as an unseen coping mechanism the brain can naturally do.
I highly suggest calling your local DV help hotline. Reaching out to mine gave me resources (and still does), and information about things that support healthy relationships and recovery.
Al-Anon is a fabulous resource, too, along with posting here.
One day at a time. As we make changes for ourselves, things change.