Iris....I get it, how down that you feel. I have seen other mothers who have felt just this way....in fact, about 10 to 15 per cent of mothers have been through this....It is a real thing, and professional people, as well as those of us who have been through it, do understand that....In fact, Marie Osmond (of Donnie and Marie Osmond...you can google them) has been very open, and talks about how it was when it happened to her...and it wasn't even her first baby! She talks about how important it is to ask your doctors for help.
It is understandable that you would feel like this...after all, you are going through grief about the disappointment in his father....and the adjustments of being a new mother, all at the same time...this makes it doubly bad...and it it a process that just has to be worked through...and, you will! It is just that you will need to realize and accept the fact that you will have realize and accept the fact that you will have to ask the right people for help, and then take each day at a time...considering getting through each day, as a victory, and, one day closer to healing....
You will have to sign permission, and, you can get your therapist to talk to your family, and explain post partum depression, to them. In fact, she might have a family meeting with them, and you, to discuss what it is all about, and what you need. You could talk to her and request this....
It may be that all of your help will not come from the people that you want (your mother/family)….it will probably need to come from others....there are people called "mother's helpers" who come and help you during the day....and, there are people who are called "baby nurses" who will spend the night to watch over the baby, and let you get sleep, etc. ***They are almost never actual nurses..but women who are very experienced with babies and new mothers. If these things are ordered by a doctor, they can be paid for by insurances....Also, these people are often available through volunteer organizations, that social workers and medical people know about....they do it for personal satisfaction of helping other people.
There is, also, the possibility that your and your son can live, for a while, at a special shelter....given that you suffered extreme emotional abuse from your the father of your child....(that would qualify you)….I had a girlfriend who went to such a place...(she didn't have a kid, though)...and it was a great, really nice place, with private room and lots of nice people who helped her, in all kinds of ways...it got her back on her feet with lots of services....
lol....I imagine that you h ate for me to say all of these things, because you want you family to be the source of all of the help..... But, I am writing it, anyway...because the reality is that there is help for you....if you will ask the right people for it...and, let them know everything that is going on with you....
You don't have to suffer, alone, with this, without help....
I am going to ask you a question which I hope that you will answer...do you have any faith that your therapist will help you? Or, do you have any faith that your Gyn doctor or pediatrician will help you?
I agree with trailmix that you don't need to be bothered by his father, right now. You need all of your mental energy for yourself...he will be out of action for a long time, so you can put than "on the shelf" for the immediate future....
I hope that you will think about all of this....and, it is true that some days are worse than other, as you go through this...always know that you can feel better on any given day....