Thank you all for responding!
I appreciate the responses yes I'm not here to be rude to anyone. I want to put the cruel things I said and put 2018 in a hefty trash bag and take out the trash of my foul words and take full accountability. I do have ptsd my doctor suggested exposure therapy meaning go right over it. That works on some others it's bad. I met my pastor today and we prayed on it. I am doing community service next Saturday 10-4 w my church feeding the homeless helping set up, grill, and clean up. I think isolating myself May-Aug in bed not going anywhere or showering was most definitely not healthy for ptsd as we don't feel safe and we tend to isolate anyways so that aggravated it along with trying to get out here. It was not easy but I did it. Then a scary threat around thanksgiving if you read my other post I isolated again in fear. I'm trying to get my summer back 2018 in Florida and be as positive as possible. Get sun, exercise, don't upset people, make amends etc. They are all gone I have a fresh start.