Oh you're welcome, we care about you!
So your son is healthy and thriving, that's a great thing and that's because of you, so maybe take a moment to let that sink in. You are pretty hard on yourself and this is something you can really be proud of. Don't think i'm being patronizing either. Again, despite what is portrayed on TV, being a first time Mother is a real challenge.
I remember with my child not getting any sleep lol - seriously, the child rarely slept at all. So my focus became him and me, keeping as rested as possible and fed. That's really the main deal there and you are obviously taking good care of him.
As for you, you will get help from your therapist next week and that will be a relief for you. In the meantime, as hard as it is, try to keep positive. You know that little guy is going to grow fast. Soon he won't be completely reliant on you. He will be able to entertain himself with toys and eat cheerios and he will amuse you by interacting with you. This happens fast, a few months from now.
In the meantime, if you need a break, that is something you can discuss with your therapist or a social worker or your doctor. You don't have to make any big decisions right now, just a discussion to see what your options are.
Do you feel trapped? You really aren't you know, you do have options, never forget that. As we mention, tons of people trained and happy to help you, take that help.