Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
I am going to come at this as a person who has anxiety but not depression. I see two things happening. One is that people who are not depressed cannot understand it. I usto have this mindset: I don't understand that even if you are depressed why you cannot still get up and be on time. You don't have to like it or feel good about it, but we still have to do what we have to do to get through life. However, once I actually educated myself about depression, I was more able to understand.
I appreciate your honesty. I had a relative who had anxiety but never had depression, so she didn't understand why I couldn't just "snap out of it".
For a person with depression, trying to get out of bed or get someplace on time is sort of like having to walk with 500 pounds on your back through thick fog while walking through mud. It's really hard to explain. Depression is just this "weight" on you that slows you down.
To do so, one has to be willing to let go of their own stigmas and let go of judging others. It's not so easy to do. One also has to take the time to learn about depression and apply it to a friendship or family member who is dealing with such a thing.
Kudos to anyone who has done that.
My point, people are selfish and wrapped up in themselves. Most don't want to take the time to learn. Most don't have the empathy they need to have. People live in their own little bubbles and unless things affect them, they just ignore the rest and move on in their bubble. It's not a good thing.
That's unfortunately a good way to view it. People judge what they see, by what they were taught or heard. And they move on. Sad.
I do know a couple of people with Bipolar. There is some aspect of selfishness to it because both of them are very reluctant to take their medications, which is 100% absolutely necessary, for the rest of their lives. Even though they know what will happen, and even though they know their families will go through hell, they still do this because they do want the mania in some ways. That is not a judgement, just the truth.
I don't know anyone who is bipolar so I can't comment. But I don't like to judge people especially when I haven't walked in their shoes. Bipolar 2 is different than Bipolar 1. I don't have mania. I have had times of hypomania. I take my meds. I liked the "energy" I got from hypomania but I wouldn't not take my meds. I really think you're stigmatizing here, just because you know two people who are bipolar 1 and don't take their meds. If I stopped taking my meds but my husband said it made me hard to live with, I would go back to taking my meds. But in my opinion I think someone who is bipolar may feel that manic was easier to live with than depressed. But I have no idea since I've never been manic. And my hypomania episodes were few and far between.
I do think it's your responsibility to do what you can in your own lifestyle to combat the affects of depression. Don't take early classes for example. Give yourself extra time
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Yes you do make good points. But it's a bit of a catch-22 at times. I'm trying to tell myself appointments are 15 minutes earlier than they really are.
I do also think you should be honest with others, and if they don't like it, maybe they are the wrong people to have in your life.
I'm not sure how? I know my therapist is trying to teach me to be nonchalant and say stuff like, "Oh sorry, that's just my anxiety!" so I don't make people uncomfortable. But I am not sure how to be honest about my depression. One time someone who wanted me to call said "Hey PTF you were supposed to call me!" and I took a chance and said, "Oh that's just me--I tend to isolate when I get like this." But I'm not sure she understood.
How can I be honest with people about my anxiety and depression? Can I really say something like, "Sorry I didn't send you a Christmas card, my depression makes it hard to motivate myself to do something as simple as write out a card"?? I still think people would misunderstand. Or, "Hey, sorry for talking your ear off the other day, my anxiety around people sometimes causes me to do that." Won't people be uncomfortable with my mentioning depression and anxiety in the first place?
It sort of reminds me of a scene in Terms of Endearment, where a woman says, "So your mother tells me you have cancer!" at a party, and the other woman spits out her drink.
Blood does not make family, those that love and cherish you make family. One has to steel themselves against it, and realize that some people are ignorant. I don't mean that as a criticism, but the true meaning of ignorant, in that they just don't have the knowledge to understand what you are going through.
They don't have the knowledge, and they don't care to learn to understand it or to gain the knowledge. My cousins are like that and would rather just think I'm crazy, I don't care, or whatever they want to think to make themselves feel better about not having a relationship with me.
I also think it's important to recognize that Personality Disorders are very rarely cured.
Depression and anxiety are not personality disorders. Neither is Bipolar, which you mentioned.
So people who have worked in the field get burned out.
I can understand that.
They see many, many more people carry on in a destructive way rather than reach for wellness. That pegs those people as selfish.
This is what does not make sense to me. My depression and anxiety are not my fault. If someone could wave a magic wand and Poof! I wake up tomorrow with the ability to reach for wellness, send them my way.
You make it sound like people enjoy being depressed/anxious/bipolar or whatever, and that we're selfish because we enjoy being this way and would rather be destructive than well. It's not a freaking choice. I don't wake up and say "I know I'd feel better if I reached toward wellness, but f*ck it, I think being depressed and anxious is more fun and I don't care who I hurt in the process." Seriously, is that what you really think?
Those who have worked in the field for a long time get burned out and it taints their personality and creates those stigmas against people who don't deserve it.
I worked in healthcare and not once did I think this way about the populations I tried to help. I did my best to try to help them. I realized something was blocking them from helping themselves. But I didn't create a single stigma against them. I treated them with respect.
Wow. I did not at all mean for this to be so long. I just want you to know I am here, reading this, and I support you.
Thank you.
Isolation is toxic. I am glad you came and shared this. You are not alone
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That helps to hear.
I don't suffer with depression but do have General Anxiety Disorder.
I'm sorry to hear that.
At times it flares up so badly that I know I am not rational, and I cannot seem to help it. I have learned tools to use to combat that, but I know when it happens I have worn out those who love me at times. They still love me, but they definitely don't always understand it.
That's great you have a support system even if they don't understand what you're going through. That's great you have learned tools to help combat it.
Sending you a big hug. The world is not against you, even if it feels that way sometimes.
Thank you.
