I struggle with that. And because I know it, I then beat myself up when I’m doing it... basically being a perfectionist about addressing my perfectionism. That’s when I know I need to get outside and sweat it out on a run, or something.
Before alcohol, I struggled with an eating disorder from my childhood into adulthood. While there are other issues that brought that on, perfectionism was a central issue - the need to control. Weirdly, alcohol use was one way I let that go, although the behaviors ran concurrent to some extent also. But all it did was mask the symptoms and exacerbate the problem, while introducing new problems.
In sobriety I’ve had to really look at it because I can get pretty hard on myself when I engage in any kind of action that is suggestive of being a chaotic person. I need to chill on that and recognize and embrace a balance.
Eating disorders are a particular kind of hell, not dissimilar to alcoholism. I really never want to go back there, but I also can see the path if I’m not careful.