Had the most vivid drinking dream last night. It was more than my usual drinking dreams, it was a dream relapse. I looked at bottles of wine in my dream and tried to fight my AV and then thought, '**** it' and drank. A lot naturally. And then I had a dream hangover and dream shame and self -hatred. Felt exhausted when I woke up. And so relieved that it was only a dream. And what's interesting is that I know exactly why my dream relapse happened. Last night I was confronted with my number 1 trigger and whilst I didn't drink and didn't even contemplate drinking, interesting that my subconscious reverted to my old ways of dealing with pain. Not going to go into details about the trigger.... Seems petty given everything that everyone else is going through... I just found the link between the trigger and my subconscious interesting. Today is day 850 for me and I am so happy to be continuing on this journey hangover free this morning.
More prayers for you and your family today Rainman. It's 2 years now since my dad died and I remember those enormous waves of grief. The waves are much smaller now but I know they will never leave me and in a strange way, I don't want them to leave me. In every cathedral and church we visited in Bruges, I lit a candle for my dad and I felt so strongly that he was seeing everything with me. Through my eyes. Our loved ones never really leave us.... They're always there, guiding us along our path.
Congrats to everyone celebrating a milestone today. 24 more for me please xxxx