I'm still here, still sober and self-harm (of any kind) free.
I know it's only been like a month or two since my last relapse, but I'm feeling so... stable. I still have bad days filled with anxiety, when I cry a lot wanting to
escape, but I don't follow the impulse.
Things are good. I just... STILL struggle to get a job and it's my biggest worry now. Ugh ugh ugh. I live rent-free at my bf's place and it feels awful. Yeah, I know I play a good wifey and he genuinely likes to have me around, but I wish I could, you know... contribute financially... at least a little. I don't even go anywhere coz I'm too embarassed to ask for bus ticket money and whatever. I can't live like thiiiis... Sigh.
I miss Scotland... I know it's gonna take some time, but it's hard to adjust. I start to hate Poland
, but then again it took me like 3-4 years to settle in the UK, so we'll see... I can't run away and waste time 'starting over' forever...
Thanks for letting me moan.
Despite this unfortunate financial situation, I'm actually feeling positive and peaceful, and grateful for my sobriety. I can't imagine what state I'd be in if I was still drinking...
Here's a pic of my bf's cat Simeon. He finally started to tolerate me. It required a lot of chicken... but we made it.