Originally Posted by
loner1968 
To me it means they will do anything to keep their way of life from crumbling. They will tell you what you want to hear and also what they want you to hear. they can break you down little by little so you have no self esteem and you won't want to leave. They need someone, an enabler, to help them exist in their sick bubble. They talk down to you and you believe it.They say they love you and you believe it. They hit you and you apologize later.
Pretty soon your brain becomes just as sick as theirs. everything is twisted. Most times you could get up and leave when you felt like it was getting bad but not this time...you can't leave...there are a million reasons why you have to stay. None of them are real but you are convinced they are. Being a recovering codie I can look back and see that I was a hostage. I didn't think so at the time...I knew something was wrong...but I thought it was all me. I was a prisoner in an invisible jail that I unknowingly helped create.
That's what the phrase means to me.
Yeah this. Ditto this. Addiction can be very selfish. You end up living your entire life around another person's substance abuse. Pretty soon, there is no YOU left in you, just them. You start becoming hollow -- like they've sucked the marrow out of your bones. And the worst part of it is, a lot of co-dependents don't even know they can walk away at any time.
Before I left my relationship, I often thought, "but what if he DIES?" I mean, it was a legitimate question. But then one day someone put it to me plainly: he could die on your watch too -- that's not in your control; you either stay and be taken advantage of and abused
just so that you can
try to prevent him from drugging to death slowly (and you will lose that battle), or walk away with whatever is left of your life and he can live or die as he pleases. As it turned out, without a captive audience, even though he continued to drug, he had (to date) no interest in hastening his own death.
Edit: Opps... I've actually replied to this thread before. One of the things that happens to you after years of being with an emotionally abusive active A is... I believe... a subtle level of brain damage. I tire very easily these days... and then I reply to threads I have already replied to.