Hi Jaguar,
I'm glad you're here and posting. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
"If you stick around with your alcoholic desolation is your destiny."
It doesn't have to be. There are many day to day opportunities to change our lives, right where we are. Are you willing to go to Al-anon or counseling with someone who understands this completely counterintuitive disease of alcoholism?
This disease affects us, just as much as the person who is drinking.
We take the actions first, feelings follow. Posting here. Alanon or Celebrate Recovery meetings. Calling a domestic violence help center. Emotional/psychological abuse are abuse. Healing is possible.
What's your plan?