It's been 15 years, 15 wasted miserable lonely years..
What I want to say to everyone else on here is that if you can run away from the alcoholic in your life then get on with it. Now. Don't stick around. Don't engage in hope. Don't keep trying. Seriously just suck it up, pack it up, and go. Cry as much and for as long as you need to but don't go back. Don't wait another day. Go now. Run.
I haven't been on here in a couple years. I'm still entwined with my alcoholic bf of 15 years. And I keep reaching new personal lows. I'm not the same person I was 15 years ago or even 5 years ago. I live in desolation. I live with self loathing. I have been able to improve a few things in my life. Despite him. But I live a desperate life devoid of joy. Don't for a minute kid yourself. If you stick around with your alcoholic desolation is your destiny. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.