Ukiah.....I, myself, am a medcal person....and I can tell you this....Doctors and other medical people can be excellent at treating the physical manifestations of alcoholism....but, unless they have had extra training....they are often woefully ignorant of the other dynamics of the disease....
I think you should chalk the doctor's arrogance...and,it was arrogant, in my opinion....to plain old ignorance.
He has probablfy never lived with an alcoholic or had one close in his personal life.....
My suggestion is that you might call the Hospital Social Services department, and ask which social worker is assigned to his case. You can talk to the social worker about the situation...you might have to ask the social worker to have him sign permission for her to discuss the situation with you. Every patient will have a social worker assigned. I think you will find the social workers have a much better understanding of the dynamics involved.....
At least, that is a starting place to begin...….
My deepest empathy for you...I understand how hard this is and how overwhelmed you might feel....
I know that you must be feeling a lot of different emotion, just now....
Resist feeling guilt.....no matter what other people might say.....you have done nothing wrong....misplaced guilt is the last thing you need,right now.....
If you are a religious person, this might be a time to call your minister to give you some support...they face this kind of thing, all of the time.....
By the way...all hospitals have pastors and priests, etc. available for anyone who wants or needs them....you just have to ask...