Alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes
Was I ever an alcoholic to begin with? Sometimes I wonder. I have been sober for over 21 years with no temptation to return to that lifestyle over that period of time, but that isn't why I wonder if I was ever an alcoholic to begin with. There have been times when the thought of the quick and easy calming and relaxing effects of ethanol would be a welcome relief after a trying day of the irritations of dealing with cranky, irrational people/incidents when no other recourse worked. However, one of the things I learned as I got older is that some problems have no answers. Looking for a quick and easy fix in a bottle is a temporary thing for problems that have no answers. When ibuprofen and Benadryl became over the counter inexpensive medications, it is my personal belief that those two pharmaceuticals single-handedly helped prevent many cases of incipient alcoholism by providing safe alternatives to taking a drink after a bad day by relieving body aches and bringing on quick helpful sleep.
I have read about "co-dependency", "family problems", how alcoholism affects all those around you, it ruins your life, etc., ad nauseam. All this is very true and I certainly can't deny it because I see it, and suffered the actions of alcoholics around me. This is where my own personal bout with ethanol greatly departs from what I listed above. I never had much of any kind of a family as a child or adult (the three I did have were good people), interacted much with others, I have never had many friends, drinking didn't ruin my life, and there were never any enablers keeping me going. I am well-educated and I earned every cent for my college education by hard work as a young person, I was self employed, I was pretty happy then and now, I was stable and productive as an alcoholic, I never had a car accident of any sort, never lost my bank account, never got arrested, been in jail, I have only been stopped by police for "fix-it" problems like a burned-out tail light and in fraudulent speed traps in small towns, I owned a ranch and farmed, had employees, worked as a chemist part time, no one was ever mad at me, I took care of my mother after she retired until she passed away. A success story? Compared to other alcoholics who leave trails of destruction in their wake, yes. Compared to those who never drink and have millions and leave wrecks of un-loved children and pay alimony to divorced wives and unpaid child support, yes. There were times when I was drinking 750 ml of 40% ethanol vodka a day for short periods when I was in my 30s, but mostly enough beer or wine to be unsafe to drive every day for long periods. Being self employed and not needing to commute on a ranch, I rarely drove and never drove drunk, and I made my own wine for years. I did that for 25 years. So to answer my own question, yes I was an alcoholic, but I didn't fit the pattern of the majority.
I suppose there are others like me out there, but I have yet to meet or talk to one. I guess there are all sorts of drunks out there. Like all the others, though, I was just as good at it! I was a professional drunk. Now I'm not, I suppose I'm a professional sober drunk – for a little over 21 years, October 23, 1997, was when I had my last drink, so October 24, 1997, was my first clean day. I'm at 7783 days including today, February 13, 2019. Like for everyone else, staying sober is very simple, although simple is not easy – never get those two words confused. I stay sober ONE DAY AT A TIME, same as everyone else.
Get sober and stay that way, minute by minute if you have to. They add up, and the longer you are sober it makes it easier to stay that way. I'm glad I got that way!
Was I ever an alcoholic? Yeah, they come in all shapes and sizes.
Lautca