Originally Posted by
Michsm 
I feel like a failure in the marriage because looking back there were so many red flags from the first moment I met him and continued on to marry him. That is where my failure feelings come in.
Ever hear the saying "hindsight is always 20/20"? I know that was the case in my situation! Looking back, I felt stupid b/c I "should have" known the importance of things that, to me, seemed to be only minor blips and one-off occurrences. I had no knowledge of alcoholism or what I should have been reading into those things. All I knew was that I had finally found my knight in shining armor and everything was going to be rainbows and unicorns from here on in. And I was pretty sure about that, too...
I felt stupid for quite a while, and part of what made it especially hard for me was that I felt I was walking in my mother's footsteps, turning a blind eye to XAH's behavior in the same way she turned a blind eye to my stepfather's behavior. Finally I'd read, heard and really
absorbed enough to understand that
I was not at fault for trusting the person I married. It would, in fact, be a lot stupider if I HADN'T trusted the person I married, right?
So go easy on yourself. Stop the blaming and trash-talking of yourself. Don't forget the lessons you've learned, but don't beat yourself over the head w/them all the time, either. Tuck those lessons away like a trusted book (Bible? cookbook?) in a place where they are safe but yet readily accessible when the need arises.
The only thing you're guilty of is high hopes and an open heart.
