I hope to God he helps me. After I knew he saw it, I felt such a peace this morning. Ok so tired of swimming upstream to stay here. It's just a fight, all day every day.

my mom doesn't s seem to understand that if I thought I could get the same kind of jobs here, I would stay. Then she makes smart assed comments, but if I call her it in it she gaslights me with some TV mom ****. I don't WANT to do this. What I wanted- and gave up EVERYTHING FOR so I don't know how it's not PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THAT WHAT I WANTED WAS TO BE HERE. But I can't walk through fire every single day. This is just too much to ask for anyone.

No no one else is living in a motel and walking to work with blisters in the freezing cold. No one else has to go home to a house with no running waster making crap wages and a busted car. I don't get it- I said, do you want to be 75 with a walker and oxygen tank, going to work to support your40 something daughter? But it's only you WANT to leave. What I want is aNORMAL LIFE and I swear, I'd go to Antarctica if that's what it took at this point.

if I stay here, I'm going to just accept failure and completely self destruct. It's only a matter of time before I drink when I have to feel like crap 24/7. Is that what she wants? Me to be a failure in an unsafe house, working a dead end job with no money for car repairs?