Thank you for your replies. I need to work towards healing from the last decade of living with someone in active addition and before that a decade of living with a narcissistic abuser. Both have taken a toll on my self esteem and my mental health is in need of repair. I need to find a job and start trying to discover what I’m good at besides people pleasing and enabling. If you look up co-dependent, I’m pretty sure my picture is there! I have let myself become consumed in so much negativity. I believe the first step would be just finding positive things to put in my head as a way to force out the negative nonsense that I’ve been filling it up with. I have a rather large hole to dig myself out of. I think sometimes I’m overwhelmed and find it easier to wallow in self pity. I’m just being as honest as I can be.