Hi all! I don’t know if anyone remembers me, but it’s been almost 2 (7/12/17) years since I last posted. Suffice to say, things are very different in my life today. RAH was served about a week after my last post. Not surprisingly, he was not happy as he thought I had dropped everything as soon as he promised to quit. Nope. I told him flat out that nothing would be done until he had one year of sobriety. Over the next few weeks, there were some back and forth comments made regarding why I didn’t believe him, that this time was different, he didn’t think it was fair for me to hold that over him for that long, etc. Instead of arguing or trying to convince him of my point of view, I simply kept stating that this is what I was doing for my own sanity and if he was serious this time, it wouldn’t matter in the long run.
Well, here we are almost two years later and RAH is still working a program of recovery. He attends meetings regularly (in fact, I go with him as support to one of the open meetings) and has rediscovered his love of his favorite hobby. We rarely argue and when we do, it’s about the normal, everyday issues that come with marriage and kids. His professional life has taken off and we are doing tons of things around the house as far as renovating and making it ours. After 14 months, I contacted the lawyer and had the case dismissed. I am at peace with this decision as he is now aware that I will no longer deal with his drinking and knows what it will cost him.
Will he never relapse? I don’t know. Am I hopeful for the future? Most definitely, but I know relapse is possible. As I’ve told him, I won’t end things because of a relapse, but I will end them depending on how he handles a relapse. I don’t want him to fear my support being yanked out from under him if he slips, but he does know that if he relapses and refuses to “get back on the horse”, I will not longer be there to enable him.
I want to thank everyone in this community for being there with support and their ES&H when I needed tough love myself. I also want to give hope that things can change and sometimes do. If it’s ok, I will try to offer my own ES&H without creating unrealistic expectations. Love to you all!
