Caralara144

Hey lovelies...
I don't have any experience only my own!!
I stopped drinking in Dec 2017
After nearly a thirty year love affair with Alcohol

I slipped into the black abyss without even realising...This is how quick this horrible disease takes you !!
Although I wasn't a big drinker in my early years the effect that Alcohol had on me was quite obviously not a good one !!
I changed from a nice caring girl into a horrible evil monster The more I drank the more horribler I became ...
I blamed everyone around me ..I held a pity party in my head for almost 3 decades
I drank for my traumatic childhood .. I drank to erase memories of abandonment I drank to erase memories of verbal physical and sexual abuse ..I couldn't deal with the pain so I drank .
I blocked out faces and places night after night
I attended physciatric counselling ...
I stripped myself bare I cried so hard at every session I pulled out vile memories I didn't even know I had and they almost destroyed me ..
So I drank more and more and more
I told myself I was a failure I was nobody ..
Towards the end of my drinking career I knew I was in deep trouble I knew I was an addict
I couldn't survive one day without a drink ...
my hands would shake around midday telling me to hurry up and pour ...
My head was in total disarray.. I couldn't think clearly ..I was in the Alcoholic fog ..I had pains in my liver .. I was a ******* wreck
Either stay in the hell I was in or get up and fight for my life that was my two choices ..
I was done with been chained to a bottle
I was excausted buying hiding and getting rid of my poison
I thought the hard part was telling my family (who already knew what a mess I was) No that was the easy part ..My eldest daughter took me to my gp where I cried my heart out and i finially admitted I was dependent on alcohol ..
That took so much courage for me to do ..as I'd lived in denial for such a long time
The hard part was living every day ..
Fighting for my sobriety !!
Wanting a drink so bad !!!
I fought so hard I hit walls ..I felt buildings fall on top of me I felt like I was going ******* crazy ..lock me up and throw away the key crazy ..But I got through it ! One day at a time
I wanted it so much in fact I NEVER wanted anything as bad .. There were days I literally crawled through .. Nights I barely slept for crying ..GOOD days ..rough days..hard days
ok sort of days but every single day I got through it ..
I'm just over 13 months sober and my life has honestly never been better
I don't take anything for granted today especially my sobriety
I use all my tools in my toolbox to help me get through a bad day ..
My feelings are all mine now ...
I finially let my past go .. I don't live there anymore ..
I live in the here and now ..
my family are my biggest supporters..
My daughter's my son my husband ..
And my sister is my absolute rock ...
It does and will get easier
But you must be prepared to fight HARD every day and when you do believe me you too will reap the benefits of a SOBERlife
Thanks for reading
Congratulations to you all wherever you are in your journey
please don't give up
Your worth so much more
C ❤