Nu -
If you aren't "as bad as [you] thought", what is?
What are you thinking?
Do you think you need to go just a little bit further to make sure you truly use up as much of your liver as is humanly possible before you get sober?
What's the upside of that approach?
Because the downside is dying.
Or getting sober enough to qualify for a liver transplant, get the transplant and then take anti-rejection meds (which are by no means benign) for the rest of your life.
You are a very blessed person to be alcohol-free, as I am I might add.
And I had pretty much "red-lined" my liver also.
But I actually thought that I really should have had another beer before I drove out to the treatment center.
That thought plagued my mind while I was in treatment until someone, I forget who, mercifully disabused me of that ridiculous notion.
It sure sounds to me like you have drunk more than enough.
I'm not interested in dying and that's what drinking represents to me.
Hang around with us and please don't go back "out there" and try to drink any more.